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| The human condition: Generalizing from a specific |
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The coordinator of an association for which I spoke in San Francisco asked me if she could offer some "constructive feedback." Before I could gather the oxygen to say, "No, thanks," she proceeded to do so.
"You ought to cut back on the satirical comments," she opined, "since that New York humor doesn't play all that well here in California."
"Really?!" I responded, having spoken in California for a decade and having lived outside of San Francisco for two years. "What is your evidence of that?"
"Well," she lowered her voice to confide, you received a perfect score of "10" on 198 of the feedback sheets, but only a "9" on the other two, and both of those respondents said you were too sarcastic."
I then decided to release the dogs. "If you think I'm changing my style based on 1% of the audience feedback, you're out of your mind. Maybe those two need a better sense of humor." As I departed, she was having trouble closing her mouth.
Two weeks ago I gave someone some advice about an idea he ran past me, telling him that it wouldn't work and giving my rationale. He said that he knew it would work, and just wanted some ideas from me as to how to refine it.
"Why are you so sure it will work when you've never done it, I can't think of an instance where this has been successful, and I'm more expert in this area than you are?"
"Because," he said, "two human resources people at the ASTD meeting told me that it was a great idea and I should pursue it!"
"With that kind of endorsement," I pointed out, "you'd probably be safe taking a second mortgage, selling your possessions, and risking everything on it." He smiled, Now my mouth was wide open.
Merely because one person has told us something is yea or nay, one group has said up or down, or one experience has been terrific or terrible, is not sufficient evidence or validation to make any final decisions. Add to that the fact that friends try to insulate us from bad advice, many professional associations are little more than 12-step support groups, and we tend to hear what we want to hear, then non-validated, isolated positive or negative feedback is about as substantial as a line drawn in the sand below the high tide line.
Don't let yourself be romanced (or discouraged) by singular feedback. It may be accurate or it may be asinine. How can you tell? Test your ideas, approaches, and methodology frequently, in front of diverse audiences or responders, who have nothing to gain or lose in terms of their feedback. Otherwise, you risk over-committing, over-investing, or arch-conservatism.
There are a lot of negative people in the world, frustrated by their own lack of progress, hounded by their own demons. They are excellent at critiquing everything and can find fault with most. Fortunately, there is a simple antidote.
Ignore them.
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About The Author:
Balancing Act® is a monthly electronic newsletter discussing the blending of life, work, and relationships, based on the popular Balancing Act workshops and writing of Alan Weiss, Ph.D. Contact us for further
information at:
balancingact@summitconsulting.com.
Web link: http://www.summitconsulting.com
© 2006 Alan Weiss. All rights reserved.
We encourage sharing Balancing Act in whole or in part if copyright and attribution are always included.
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